Back in the day, if you'd mentioned the Grey Lady of D'Olier Street to me, I would have thought you were referring to one of the middle-aged divorcees I occasionally pulled on Disco Throwback Nights in Leggs. If you'd told me that I would one day spend thirteen years with that grey lady, I would have guessed it was some scheme I'd cooked up to try to get my hands on some elderly widow's fortune.
Except the Grey Lady in this case is the Irish Times. And thirteen years is exactly the length of time I've been pleasuring here - though for far less money than I'd have earned as a gigolo, believe me!
We've been through a lot together in that time - from locked-in in Donnybrook to locked-down in Killiney. And now, for the very first time, the best of my weekly newspaper columns have been brought together in a collection.
My adventures with the Mount Anville Moms WhatsApp group. My old dear's fight to stop the Luas lines being joined. Honor's infamous production of South Side Story. My old man's court battles with Denis O'Brien. Sorcha's efforts to force her banana bread on the neighbours. Ronan's attempt to make it as a Mixed Mortial Orts fighter. Not to mention a Chinese exchange student by the name of Pang.
From the sheer joy of taking the triplets to their first Ireland v England match, to the sheer misery of Kielys closing down. From the nerve-shredding excitement of trying, to rescue Joey Corbery from Limerick, to the pants-shitting tension of taking Honor to Electric Picnic.
They're all here!
As the Grey Lady herself would no doubt say: "That was some ride, Ross!"
'Ross is a national institution' Irish Times
'The single greatest chronicler of our times' Irish Independent